


taught by pain

by sweetricebuns



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, i say mild because i'm not sure about the comfort?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28114917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetricebuns/pseuds/sweetricebuns
Summary: “Do you want me to go?”“No. God, no,” Adam answered. “But I think you need to.”
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	taught by pain

**Author's Note:**

> had to release some feelings. rated t due to the vague insinuation that they had sex, but that is easily ignored
> 
> unedited  
> title from "he won't hold you" by jacob collier ft. rapsody

They’d been lying in bed together in silence when Adam finally turned to face him.

“Hi,” Shiro said.

“Hello.”

Even in the dark, Shiro could see the deep brown of his eyes, the dark, taut skin underneath them. He would turn on the lamp, get a proper look at Adam, but this moment felt delicate, felt important, and light would only shatter it.

“Can you even see me?”

“I think this would be easier if I didn’t have to see you.”

“What would be easier?”

Adam exhaled, slowly. “I don’t know.”

“Nonsense,” Shiro said. “You know everything.”

Adam laughed, soft and sad. He scooted closer to Shiro, and Shiro was only happy to pull Adam closer. He hadn’t felt this warm in ages.

“You think so?” Adam asked. Shiro hummed, burrowing his face into the crook of Adam’s neck. He pressed a kiss to the skin there, partly because he couldn’t help it, and partly because muscle memory kicked in. When they’d been together, Shiro would drop kisses wherever he could on Adam. Shiro wondered whether Adam remembered, too.

“What are you thinking?” Shiro asked, after a long moment of silence.

“This wasn’t a good idea,” Adam said, quiet.

Shiro paused. He lifted his head to look at Adam square on, at the lines and planes of his face, at the slight quiver of his chin. Then, just as quietly, “What do you mean?”

“Kashi,” Adam said, and Shiro understood what Adam meant when he said _this_ would be easier if he didn’t have to see. The upset expression on Adam’s face was plain as day, and it made Shiro want to rip his own heart out if only to stop its painful clenching. “I just—” then Adam’s voice broke, and he stopped speaking to breath, harsh and shaky, and the clenching just hurt worse.

“Do you want me to go?”

“No. God, no,” Adam answered. “But I think you need to.”

“Okay,” Shiro said, because what else was there to say?

He sat and took stock of where his clothes were scattered around the room. Just when Shiro swung his legs over the side of the bed, Adam’s hand around his wrist stopped him.

“Wait—”

Shiro felt tired, suddenly, and he ran his hand over his face. “You can’t ask me to go one second, then tell me to stay the next.”

“I,” Adam began. “Give me a moment. It’s”—Shiro heard the sheets rustling, and if he closed his eyes hard enough, he could picture what Adam looked like in that moment, small, knees pulled up tight and close to his chest—“It’s hard, watching you go.”

And because Shiro was hurting, “ _Adam_.”

“I know. That isn’t fair to you, I’m sorry. Just,” Adam said. “Fear is hard to let go of.”

This was unlike the Adam he knew, to be so cryptic and to talk in circles. It was frustrating Shiro, who just wanted to understand.

“God, Takashi, you were _dead_ ,” Adam said, suddenly, so much grief in his voice that it punched the air out of Shiro. “I blinked, then you were just _gone_.” Adam seemed frantic, now, the apparent tension in his limbs buzzing with distress. “But I still waited for you. You were dead, and I still waited for you, even before Sam arrived. And now you’re here, and I just— It’s hard, looking at you, but I want to touch you and hold you and— This can’t be this easy. But I waited for you for so long. Don’t you see? It’s always ever been you. It’s always going to be you. I can’t— I—”

Neither of them said anything for a while, the air heavy with everything between them.

“Have you forgiven me?” Shiro asked, quietly.

From behind him, he felt Adam still. It took a minute before Adam said, “Takashi.”

Then, again, more insistent, “Have you forgiven me?”

The silence was answer enough. Shiro turned to him, and said, “I should go.”

Adam said nothing, just watching Shiro. He cupped Shiro’s cheek in his palm, cradling it gently. Shiro leaned into the touch, savoring it. He wondered what Adam could see, without his glasses—whether he could see the heartbreak on Shiro’s face.

“Okay,” Adam whispered. His eyes were so brown.

“I love you,” Shiro said. It felt right.

Adam, with a smile still so, so sad, pressed a kiss to Shiro’s lips and said, “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> it hurt me not to end this on a definitively happy or hopeful note but is it really me if i dont let them be the messy adults with baggage they are? i promise you off-screen they live their happily ever after together :)
> 
> (alternate happy ending: they hold each other, helpless to the magnetism, after adam's outburst. shiro says "we'll do this properly," then lays out a plan that's basically 90% talking. adam says "you hate talking." shiro says "were going to talk so much that even youll hate it." shiro still leaves, but its with the certainty that theyre going to figure it out)
> 
> stay safe, everybody!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/atIastic/)


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